Ashen

For those of you who need to update my scorecard of promises, last night I did start the article, I did do some dishes (though, to look at the kitchen now, it doesn’t seem possible), and I absolutely did preorder the Harlot’s new book. However, I didn’t touch the chemo cap, due to a variety of circumstances. Sick kids, crying kids, etc.

Moving on!

Today I hauled all the kids to school Mass for Ash Wednesday services. Considering their ages and usual proclivities, they did pretty well. (Colleen parked herself in front of both priests until she felt she had enough ashes on her forehead.) I even got a compliment on their behavior from a young man sitting in front of us. However, we had to get right back home after Mass to meet the realtor, who was dropping off his market assessment. When I got in the car, it was already fifteen minutes after our agreed time.

Jack picked this time to refuse to be buckled into the car. He screamed, he caterwauled, he held himself stiff as a board and refused to sit in his seat. After all his pretty-good behaviour at Mass…well, he let loose right there in the parking lot and I’m sure a lot of parishoners were wondering what the heck I was doing to him.

Luckily, I can still outlast/overpower him, we got back before the realtor left, and the meeting proceeded as planned. Market value was right where we wanted it to be, he’ll check back in a month to see if we’re ready for showings, yadda yadda yadda. It’s all good.

But here I am at the beginning of Lent, and after a few days of wondering what I was going to give up this time, I made a big move. I’m going to try to give up self-medication. No more eating a cookie because I feel I “deserve” it, or a brownie because I feel sad or lonely or self-pitying or “can’t help myself.” No more drinking a beer because I think I’ve been good and ought to have one, or because I’m not tired at bedtime. No more Coke because, “gosh darn it I haven’t had one in a while.” I can still have any of these things for the right reasons, since I’m not strictly giving up meat or alcohol or chocolate or sweets. But I have to be really and truly honest about my reasons. And that’s the hardest part.

I’m sitting here in the kitchen right now as I type. I’m surrounded by cookies that Auntie Barbara dropped off on Monday, by all the great leftovers (including fudge brownies from last night’s makeshift King Cake) in the fridge, trying to think about how to substitute healthy behaviours for unhealthy ones, how to start making better decisions. It sucks to pick up a water bottle when what you really want is the rest of the pan of brownies, but by golly, it’s Ash Wednesday and I’m going to try my best.

Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean I can’t do it.

P.S. Mr. Beth picked out some lovely yarn for his Irish Hiking Scarf. I’ll write about that (and include pictures) tomorrow. Don’t let me forget!

—————

2pm P.S. The doctor’s office called at 12:30 to tell me that the 24-hour strep test had come back positive. They called in a prescription for penicillin while I loaded the van and rushed to school to pick up James, then zoomed to the store to get the medicine. Why the hurry? The second graders’ musical is tomorrow night. Their practice is tomorrow at 1pm. If he didn’t get the medicine started 24 hours before the practice, he would not be allowed to attend.  I think we got it started in time, but guess what? It tastes terrible, so we’ll be fighting over a teaspoon of fluid twice a day for ten days unless he learns to “cowboy up” and just take the stuff. And oh yes, he’ll be staying home tomorrow because he’s considered to be contagious. So I’ll take him right to the practice in the afternoon, then over to the musical in the evening, but not to school. It’s enough to make me wish he felt miserable, then we could just cancel the whole thing. I can’t quite make myself feel that way. Every school event is the last one he’ll ever have here. I would be a BAD MOM to mess that up. Even if it sounds pretty messed up already! (My God, I need to sit and knit.)

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Published in: on February 21, 2007 at 10:53 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Ash Wednesday service is my absolute FAVORITE church service. Yes, I know, any good Christian would pick Easter and/or Christmas, but my favorites have come to be ranked thusly:
    1. Ash Wednesday
    2. Palm Sunday (i was born on one)
    3. Maundy Thursday
    4. Easter
    5. Christmas
    6. Halloween (i’ve always loved dress up)
    7. St. Patrick’s Day
    8. Thanksgiving
    9. Fourth of July
    10. Memorial Day (the first day the pool is open)

    As you’ll note, Hearts&Bubbles Day didn’t make it on the list… as far as i’m concerned every day is a day i should show love to my one and true valentine.
    I’ll wrap it up, now that you know way too much about the idiotic things i think about…

    E.


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